2010 was a horrendous year for me. My mother was extremely ill, my marriage was dissolving, I was overwhelmed by the pressures associated with passing my PhD exams, and I had become depression's victim. All of these balls were in the air when I received the news that my son is Autistic.
I happened to be on campus when my husband called me with the results from Caleb's psychological exam. Despite the fact that things outside of my control rarely operate in my favor, I was certain that my son's test would come back negative for Autism. "Yeah, Caleb is Autistic." For a moment I was stunned. Perhaps it was the calm with which J delivered the message. Maybe it was due to the fact that I knew so little about the disorder. For a moment, just a moment, I felt nothing. But when I hit the red button on my cell phone, I felt the most crushing pain I had ever experienced in my life.
He had already been through so much. An underweight preemie, Caleb spent four weeks in the intensive care unit with a feeding tube in his nose, an IV in his arm, wires monitoring his oxygen levels and heart rate, and a blindfold to protect his eyes from the bright, jaundice-curing light that dominated his incubator. He was 2lbs, 7oz.
I'm a bit overwhelmed. I have to continue tomorrow....
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